Let's Just Go Ahead and Get Real...

***This is not a "pity-party" post or is in no-way asking for advice or help, I am just making a record of some thoughts and feelings I am currently having. :)*** SO. Today was a great day, I woke up to breakfast in bed and a happy baby being taken care of by her daddy. My house was a mess and I had decided the night before that I would get my butt in gear and get some things done. Yesterday, I went shopping with a friend and then grocery shopping with Cade, so we were out of the house all day. Well, today, after I had decided that, I needed to go back to Dothan to exchange a quilt that I had gotten. I needed the appropriate Full/Queen size, the King size one fit weird on my bed, probably because it wasn't made for my size of bed... Anyway, I texted another friend to see if she would like to go with me, and we ended up having another girl join us, it was a lot of fun and we spent money and we got things for our babies and we ate lunch and we got things to spruce up our house and talked and talked and talked. I got home and walked in the door. I was welcomed home to a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, remnants of unpacking the groceries from last night, and craft stuff strewn across our little table in the kitchen area (it will be a super cute office one day..) I walked back to Georgia's room to grab a diaper and jammies and was reminded of the piles and piles of laundry I needed to put away. I walked back into the living room, passing my latest project in the hall, and looked at the living room with random toys on the floor and Georgia-jammies from last night on the sofa.

After FINALLY getting Georgia to sleep I remembered I had grabbed some Subway for dinner. I got out a plate, put my now very cold and soggy Turkey Bacon Avocado (it's avocado season! mmm!) on a plate, grabbed the 2 liter of Fresca out of the fridge and sat on the sofa, watching Fashion Police eating my soggy Subway and thinking, "I bet Beyonce's house isn't messy like mine, I bet Jennifer Aniston is so neat and tidy, am I the only one with this messy problem??" Lately I have felt a little frazzled, like nothing is really fitting into place. My diaper bag is too messy and unstructured, I have too many apps on my phone, and, well, nothing fits. It's like I'm running around and around and nothing actually gets done. I also make more messes for myself because I start one thing and then think, "OH! I could totally do something cute here!" or "OH! I know the perfect thing that would work here...now where was that thing? wait what thing? where am I? what day is it? Is this real life? Are you my baby?? When did you start crawling and standing? I made you in my belly???" and on, and on, and on. This usually happens while Cade is gone and I'm at the house alone, or at night when I should be asleep...like now... but not everything is out of place.

Recently, Cade and I have been getting along SO SO well, not to say we fought all the time before, but we just haven't been fighting at all really. We have been flirting more, and talking more, and listening more. We are both making an effort to be nicer and not use so much sarcasm when we speak to one another, and it is so much fun when we are together. We have become a great team. I'm so happy for that! We actually did have the house picked up a couple days ago, all thanks to Cade, who took the initiative and got me on board, and it was fun! We listened to music, danced around and just had a good day! So, what ever it was that made Cade and I "fit" I am so happy we are on the same page right now. I like that our relationship kinda goes in waves, because I think we learn more about each other, what our needs are and how we can be better to, and for, each other.

Now that Cade and I are working well together, it makes our relationship stronger which I feel is important for Georgia. I know she picks up on things and as she gets older she will understand more and more, I want Cade and I to be an example of how great and awesome and fun marriage can be, to our kids. Just this morning, Georgia was getting a kick out of cade kissing me like he kisses her. I loved watching her grin when Cade would kiss me on the cheek. It was like she was happy, we were happy. IT WAS JUST A BUNCH OF LOVEY DOVEY HAPPINESS!!!! ;) Don't worry, I won't leave out the part where this morning at 0430, she decided she was ready to be awake for the day annnnd I was NOT happy....

It's funny because I am just trying to find this balance... I just NEED this balance in my life and I am having a hard time finding it. I want to be happy and I want a not-so-messy house when I go to bed, but I also want to find it my own way. I don't want anyone telling me "how-to", because I'm not anybody else, I'm ME. My family is MY FAMILY, and if I want to leave my house a mess for a few days while I try and figure out a balance, well, that is what I am going to do. I wanted to post some pictures of my house at its current state, because, I'm not perfect, I don't claim to be, and I know I never will be. I know that my house will be a mess, this isn't the first time and it most certainly won't be the last. I believe that I can strive to be better and work towards small and attainable goals to achieve the balance I am looking for. I don't ever want anyone to feel as though they aren't good enough, or that everyone is doing such a better job at being a wife, mother, homemaker, business woman, or anything than they are, because we all have flaws. So tonight, as I sleep soundly in my bed, surrounded by a happy mess, with a roof over my head, and my happy mess, warm blankets, and a full tummy; my baby asleep, warm and full bellied, in a happy mess of a room, I thank my Heavenly Father for all that I have, because I owe it to Him, because He has provided a way for my happy little family to live eternally with Him. I am so in love with my life, and my happy mess. I hope everyone has a great night! I love you! XOXO