She Folded Her Arms, and It Changed My Day

Six o'clock comes super early, every morning. She doesn't hesitate to start whining the moment she wakes up. I watch her in the monitor as she raises her leg and tries to figure out how to get out of that crib. Then she is quiet for just a minute... In that quiet time, she poops. By six thirty, she has pooped and wants out of the bed, understandably. However, it's not easy dragging myself out of the bed every morning, knowing I'm walking into a poop smelling bedroom with a whining baby in her crib. Once in the living room, the diaper is changed (luckily the scream fit she used to throw is over..) and she starts whining again. I get her sippy cup filled with milk, we sit and watch cartoons as she slurps it down. Then she gets down to make the same mess she makes every day. The toys are spilled all over the floor, taken to the kitchen and dining room and down the hall. I watch her as I lay lazily on the couch. At about seven thirty she is ready to eat. I walk to the kitchen and open the pantry and fridge and stare at the food inside. "How can there be so much stuff in here and I not know what to make??" I wonder to myself. She starts crying as I shut the fridge door because she wants food NOW. My frustration escalates as I prepare her and my breakfast because her crying and tantrums continue. I give her some fruit, hoping that will settle her down, for a minute while she eats then it's back to tantrums. Hitting her head on the floor, throwing things, just making me crazy. Once breakfast is ready I take it to the table. I put Georgia in her high chair and we eat. Today, was just a little bit different. I was so incredibly frustrated with Georgia this morning as I prepared her breakfast. I give her everything, and she's standing there screaming at me! Why?? What have I done to make her think this is okay????? I just want to pull out my hair!! I walk to the dining room and place our bowls of oatmeal on the table and put Georgia in her high chair. I look at her, so mad, like "are you happy now??" And she looks at me and folds her arms. Reminding me to pray.  I can't even explain the amount of love I felt from my Heavenly Father as I too folded my arms and began to pray. Tears streaming down my face as I thanked my Heavenly Father for all that we have and for such a wonderful example that Georgia is to me.  Today isn't going to miraculously be amazing and everything will go as planned, but that little act changed my whole attitude this morning. I am just so thankful to be a mom. Georgia teaches me so much every day. I am so grateful I was trusted with this sweet child of God. I can only hope that I can be everything she needs me to be.  That I can be the mother God wants me to be. Georgia is such a sour patch kid! But I wouldn't have her any other way. Sour and sweet. 

What am I wearing?!

Do you ever have one of those days/weeks/months where every time you look in your closet, you just think, "what am I wearing?" Well, this has been happening to me, A LOT! I just cannot figure out what my style is! There is this large part of me that wants to be super casual, wearing nothing but chaco sandals, Kavu, and Mountain Hardware, basically I look like I'm ready for hiking a mountain at any given moment... Then there is this part of me that wants ten white T-shirts, seven pair of ripped jeans, and a pair of boots with accessories like statement necklaces, plaid shirts, and blazers (like casual- chic). So, these are literally two ends of the spectrum! WHAT DO I DO?? I want to look like "I woke up like this" haha! Minimal effort, but still looking put together, and somewhat chic. I know what style I am NOT- sexy, glam, and preppy, I know those styles don't fit my personality.

With the, I'll call it "adventurous"-casual style, I have a few pieces in my current wardrobe that fit that look, mostly because I went a little overboard thinking that WAS my style, only to bring everything home and realize....ummmm that's not really what I wanted... typical. HOWEVER, it does fit my personality to a point, I am spontaneous, and I always love an adventure.

With the "casual-chic" style, I have many pieces I feel fit that look. I could use some more "staples" but for the most part, I kind of tend to dress in this style already... This fits my personality because the basic "white tee and ripped skinnies" gives me a base to add some fun elements, like a pop of color or fun jewelry.

When I look through Pinterest, I am usually drawn to the "casual-chic" style, with a touch of hippie-ish thrown in, (if that is even possible?? haha) and then I have my chacos. UGH! I guess I have some more "figuring out what I want", to do... here are some of the things I have been wanting to add to my closet: (my very lost, poor, bless-it's-heart, closet...)

A new, basic, white tee, leopard flats (like this or in ballet flat form), and some super pretty mustard skinny jeans!

You know what? I think I actually answered my own question..... I think my style is mostly "casual-chic" with just a touch of "adventurous"! I think I can make what I have in my closet work for my style! Maybe, just maybe, I will know what I am wearing and LIKE IT! haha! Cross your fingers for me while I clean out my closet! [tee- H&m, shoes and pants- pinterest search]

XOXO! -britt

Why you gotta be so rude?!

Don't you know I'm human, too? These are lyrics to a song about a guy getting shut down by his girlfriend's dad when he asks for his permission to marry the daughter..... This doesn't have anything to do with this post, but the lyrics do. I have been seeing a lot of things pop up on my Facebook  feed about being skinny, like "thigh gaps are for flamingos" and "eat a cupcake" and just recently I watched a really cute music video that made skinny girls look dumb, like it's not okay to be a size two.  I could be over-sensitive, but I'm kind of hurt by all of this. I have never been confident with my body, like ever. I was always too skinny, my boobs too big for my scrawny body, and I've even been asked if I'm doing okay, like people are scared of my health because I'm skinny.... I was NOT born with curves. I have always been a skinny girl. I've always been very active in sports and outdoor activities. I've always loved eating, and there was a time in my life that I didn't look healthy, and was "over-weight" for my frame. I had really bad acne, was not eating healthy and felt bad, body and mind. In college, I joined a team that was part of the ROTC, and it challenged me to eat healthy and work out so I could be in shape to win competitions. I felt great! I could hike, I could run, I looked good, but I wasn't super confident in the way I looked. While I was deployed in 2012, I experinced bullying and harassment from my peers that made me feel like I was worthless, I felt like I was less than a human being, like I should do everyone a favor and just end it all. I was in a dark, scary and horrible place. I think back now and can't believe I had these thoughts, but I just had so much negativity around me. NOW, I am a momma, my body has been through a pregnancy, and you know what? You probably wouldn't be able to tell when you looked at me in the nude. And I'm happy about that! I eat what I want, and sometimes it's healthy food and sometimes it's not. I work out, not because I want to look like a Barbie, like songs and stupid meme's might say, but because I feel amazing when I am active! I know that I will get things done if I start my day with some sort of physical activity, even if it's vacuuming the living room because that's the only clean space at the time. I did it, and it motivates me to do more. I like to walk around Target. (I think I can safely call that cardio, since every time I walk to the clearance racks, my heart beats sooo fast and I normally make two to three laps around the ENTIRE store.) Some days, I'm still in my stretchy pants and big t-shirt, napping when Georgia naps, and writing a blog post when I should be folding laundry. All, I'm trying to say is, I feel good about me now. I can say that I love my body, I love the way I look, and I eat cupcakes.  I was born THIS way, just like some of us were born with curves. So listen, I'm human, too. I shouldn't feel bad about being "skinny". I love me, my husband loves me, my baby loves me, my family loves me, and my Heavenly Father and Savior love me. And really, in the end, that is all that matters. Whatever shape or size you are, you are beautiful! If you want more balance in your life, strive for that, not something society thinks you should have! Society doesn't know you, or your heart, only the people who matter do. XOXO

Let's Just Go Ahead and Get Real...

***This is not a "pity-party" post or is in no-way asking for advice or help, I am just making a record of some thoughts and feelings I am currently having. :)*** SO. Today was a great day, I woke up to breakfast in bed and a happy baby being taken care of by her daddy. My house was a mess and I had decided the night before that I would get my butt in gear and get some things done. Yesterday, I went shopping with a friend and then grocery shopping with Cade, so we were out of the house all day. Well, today, after I had decided that, I needed to go back to Dothan to exchange a quilt that I had gotten. I needed the appropriate Full/Queen size, the King size one fit weird on my bed, probably because it wasn't made for my size of bed... Anyway, I texted another friend to see if she would like to go with me, and we ended up having another girl join us, it was a lot of fun and we spent money and we got things for our babies and we ate lunch and we got things to spruce up our house and talked and talked and talked. I got home and walked in the door. I was welcomed home to a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, remnants of unpacking the groceries from last night, and craft stuff strewn across our little table in the kitchen area (it will be a super cute office one day..) I walked back to Georgia's room to grab a diaper and jammies and was reminded of the piles and piles of laundry I needed to put away. I walked back into the living room, passing my latest project in the hall, and looked at the living room with random toys on the floor and Georgia-jammies from last night on the sofa.

After FINALLY getting Georgia to sleep I remembered I had grabbed some Subway for dinner. I got out a plate, put my now very cold and soggy Turkey Bacon Avocado (it's avocado season! mmm!) on a plate, grabbed the 2 liter of Fresca out of the fridge and sat on the sofa, watching Fashion Police eating my soggy Subway and thinking, "I bet Beyonce's house isn't messy like mine, I bet Jennifer Aniston is so neat and tidy, am I the only one with this messy problem??" Lately I have felt a little frazzled, like nothing is really fitting into place. My diaper bag is too messy and unstructured, I have too many apps on my phone, and, well, nothing fits. It's like I'm running around and around and nothing actually gets done. I also make more messes for myself because I start one thing and then think, "OH! I could totally do something cute here!" or "OH! I know the perfect thing that would work here...now where was that thing? wait what thing? where am I? what day is it? Is this real life? Are you my baby?? When did you start crawling and standing? I made you in my belly???" and on, and on, and on. This usually happens while Cade is gone and I'm at the house alone, or at night when I should be asleep...like now... but not everything is out of place.

Recently, Cade and I have been getting along SO SO well, not to say we fought all the time before, but we just haven't been fighting at all really. We have been flirting more, and talking more, and listening more. We are both making an effort to be nicer and not use so much sarcasm when we speak to one another, and it is so much fun when we are together. We have become a great team. I'm so happy for that! We actually did have the house picked up a couple days ago, all thanks to Cade, who took the initiative and got me on board, and it was fun! We listened to music, danced around and just had a good day! So, what ever it was that made Cade and I "fit" I am so happy we are on the same page right now. I like that our relationship kinda goes in waves, because I think we learn more about each other, what our needs are and how we can be better to, and for, each other.

Now that Cade and I are working well together, it makes our relationship stronger which I feel is important for Georgia. I know she picks up on things and as she gets older she will understand more and more, I want Cade and I to be an example of how great and awesome and fun marriage can be, to our kids. Just this morning, Georgia was getting a kick out of cade kissing me like he kisses her. I loved watching her grin when Cade would kiss me on the cheek. It was like she was happy, we were happy. IT WAS JUST A BUNCH OF LOVEY DOVEY HAPPINESS!!!! ;) Don't worry, I won't leave out the part where this morning at 0430, she decided she was ready to be awake for the day annnnd I was NOT happy....

It's funny because I am just trying to find this balance... I just NEED this balance in my life and I am having a hard time finding it. I want to be happy and I want a not-so-messy house when I go to bed, but I also want to find it my own way. I don't want anyone telling me "how-to", because I'm not anybody else, I'm ME. My family is MY FAMILY, and if I want to leave my house a mess for a few days while I try and figure out a balance, well, that is what I am going to do. I wanted to post some pictures of my house at its current state, because, I'm not perfect, I don't claim to be, and I know I never will be. I know that my house will be a mess, this isn't the first time and it most certainly won't be the last. I believe that I can strive to be better and work towards small and attainable goals to achieve the balance I am looking for. I don't ever want anyone to feel as though they aren't good enough, or that everyone is doing such a better job at being a wife, mother, homemaker, business woman, or anything than they are, because we all have flaws. So tonight, as I sleep soundly in my bed, surrounded by a happy mess, with a roof over my head, and my happy mess, warm blankets, and a full tummy; my baby asleep, warm and full bellied, in a happy mess of a room, I thank my Heavenly Father for all that I have, because I owe it to Him, because He has provided a way for my happy little family to live eternally with Him. I am so in love with my life, and my happy mess. I hope everyone has a great night! I love you! XOXO

That moment...

When your baby is taking an amazingly long nap and you start to worry, is she still alive?? But you don't want to check because you might wake her up..... What to do, what to do... (She is still alive, she just moved, so I won't go check on her..) While she is sleeping, I decided I'd write a quick post instead of cleaning my house.. I figured I'd share a couple things: [1] Just because the picture if the rug is in an entry way/ living room/ outside, it just might be the perfect rug in your bathroom! (Moral of the story, don't judge an accessory/piece of furniture by the picture or by where it's "supposed" to go, it just might work somewhere else in your house! Try it!) [2] It's amazing what white strips and self tanner can do for my confidence! You might just want to try this too! I went to bed after the application of both and woke up a new woman! [3] The amount of gratitude I have for my spouse has increased like you wouldn't believe since he has been away. I love Cade so much, I just can't handle it! [4] I always wait till the very last minute to clean my house. "Now why would you do that, Brittany?" Well, because.... When I wait till the last minute I get an adrenaline rush and it makes cleaning my house EXCITING!! Hah---- So, those are my things I was going to share with you :) XOXO Have a great day!!!

Here's the rug I put in the bathroom, it works great because instead of buying two rugs, this big one works under both mine and Cade's feet and it has the look and color I was going for AND it was cheaper than buying the two that I was looking at!! Perfect!

Being "The Change"

Last year, for my birthday, I made a list of things I'd like to accomplish, and that really helped me to focus on what I wanted to work on. So this year, I have decided that I want to "Be The Change I Want To See..." in everything I do.

I was telling my mom, "I just want the world to be rainbows and butterflies!" As unrealistic this is, I can at least try to be more positive and loving in my life now. Here are some things I'd like to change:

1. "Feed" my spiritual self. Lately, I have a feeling that my spiritual self is skinny, mini. Unfortunately, I have been so caught up in everything going on around me, that I haven't taken care of my "soul" (I guess). I feel like it is missing in my life, and I know the reasons why, so... I have to be the change. I plan to read something uplifting daily, whether it is a scripture, a conference talk, or something from the Ensign. I feel like telling myself that I need to read the scriptures just sets me up for failure, so I decided to branch out and try this for a while. I plan to pray, on my knees, daily. In the morning, at night, or both, I will get on my knees and pray to my Father in Heaven. I rely to heavily on my "flesh" self, and not at all on the Lord. I was reminded this past weekend of the sacrifice that He made for me, and I just wanted to smack myself upside the head...HE DID THIS FOR ME!! Why would He come to the earth, suffer and die for me? So I can just ignore it and trust in myself and my own knowledge? UH, no. So, I want to rely on my Savior. I plan to make the time to prepare myself for taking sacrament each Sunday. If I am going to partake of the sacrament, and promise to "take His name upon me" then I really need to be doing that! I need to know what I believe and be able to live it.

2. LOVE! Oh my goodness. I take what I have for granted SO often and not only do I forget to love others, but I don't recognize when others are showing love. I want others to know that I am a disciple of Christ, that I follow Him, and that I love Him. I plan to say "Thank You" and be more grateful for others in my life. I plan to recognize when others are showing love, and to respond with love in return. I don't want to do this to be "better" than anyone else, or be this high and mighty person, but I genuinely want the Love in my life.

3. Turn it off. Just turn it all off. While Cade has been away, I have had time to reflect on our relationship and how we interact lately. We literally can sit on our phones, not saying two words to each other, for hours. I can't believe that is where we are right now, but it is. I plan to just put my phone away when Cade comes home. (Obviously, if I'm receiving a phone call or something, I will answer it, but I'm talking about facebook, IG, Pinterest...etc, etc.) Also, when we moved to Fort Rucker, we put a TV in our bedroom because for a few weeks the only place we had to sit down was our bed. Now that we have a living room, the TV will be removed from the bedroom. I don't know where it's going to go, I'll probably sell it, but it is getting a new home.

4. GET ON A SCHEDULE! I am the world's worst when it comes to this, honestly, I can't make it on time to anything, and when I get there I am normally frazzled. It has made me so crazy, but I have realized that I want that to change. I want to respect the time of others and really try to be where I need to be, when I need to be there. Being on a schedule is also proving beneficial with Georgia. Before, I just kinda did what I felt like she was wanting, and I've come to the harsh reality, that a baby does not know what it wants. Period. (HAHA) SO (I kinda sorta get to check this one off my list...) I got Georgia and I on a schedule!! Oh yeah! I wanted to do this too, so that I could get up and make a good, healthy, balanced, breakfast for my family. I realize there will be good days and bad, but I want to try. I want to put forth the effort, because to me, this is important.

With all of these things, there will be challenges, and I know I want to change other things, but this seems manageable at the time being. I have other things that I will be doing to "be the change" I want to see in myself and the world around me. I want to get rid of the negativity, the competition, and the other feelings that come with those. I feel like, by trying to do these things I've decided to work on, I can squash some of that. I am not the best at this blogging thing, but this has definitely helped me to focus and really quiet the constant ongoings in my head... I'm kind "cray cray" in case, you didn't already know. ;)

Have a wonderful day! Thanks for reading!! I love you all!! Let's "BE THE CHANGE" (it's okay, you can be cheesy, like me) XOXO - Britt

She Hasn't Been Sleeping Much

Which means, I haven't been doing much of working on my dreams... It's been a little cray cray trying to figure out what works for both Georgia and I and what doesn't. We will get it though.  I like that she is such a good girl. She has cut her two bottom teeth with only a little fussing and lots of snuggles. (This is also why she's been sleeping less..I remember cutting my wisdom teeth and it was not pleasant!) She is such a curious little girl, always into everything already which makes me very excited to teach her new things! I love that she wants to feel different textures, even if it means putting the dog toy in her mouth. I want her to experience things, obviously if I think it's dangerous I'm not going to let her stick the dangerous thing in her mouth... But there are a lot of things that I don't care she chews on, like the TV remote, I just took out the battery and she was entertained for a good half hour. Feeling the buttons on her gums and tongue, smacking it on her knee, passing it from one hand to the next, and just being curious. I just want there to be a balance in our lives, one where there is a time to be strict and more serious and a time to let it be and have fun.  I want that balance in all things and that is really what I am starting to strive for lately. I love my candy cereals, but I know they aren't healthy, so I opt for healthier choices, like oatmeal or avocado and tomatoes on toast, most days and have my can't cereal every once and a while.  I didn't practice balance tonight when I ate an entire big tub of ice cream, so I'll have to re-evaluate and try harder next time. But it's okay because I can work on the balance. I feel like trying to tell myself I CAN'T have this and I MUST have that just sets myself up for failure, in everything-- shopping, eating, exercising, mothering, and in my religious practices. I have always been somewhat of a free spirit, since the birth of Georgia I have just wanted to let myself be me and I am much more of a free spirit than I thought I was. I want to be more myself because I want Georgia to love herself and not hold back. I want her to know herself better and be confident in who she is and who her Father in Heaven sent her here to be. I want her to know her potential so she can be a light to those around her, I don't want her to outshine others, but to bring them up and love them for who they are. I want to be like that, too.  I guess it's been kind of good that Georgia hasn't been sleeping as much because it's given me time to just watch her and look at her and think about all the things I want for her.  This post is a little dis-jointed but it's just about things on my mind recently, and I thought I'd share, even if it was just to write out what I want to kind of work on. It's always good to see things in writing, especially plans or dreams, or hopes, or things-to-do.. It just puts it all into perspective for me. Hope you all have a great night/day! Thanks for reading! :) XO Britt

Work-In-Progress

WELL, Cade, Georgia, Chewie and I have safely made it to Fort Rucker, AL. In case you didn't know already, I wanted to share with you all where we were and what is going on in the lives of The [Cade] Cross Family. Lieutenant Cross is attending Flight School with the army. We are here supporting him in his dream of becoming a helicopter pilot. It has been such a great move already, and I am loving being back in the south! However, I won't lie, seeing how motivated Cade is in flight school has made me a little jealous. I found that I want to live my dream, too! (Everything is about me, in case you haven't figured that out ;) So, I decided that I am going to really buckle down and start working on my dream of becoming an Interior Designer/Decorator. I want to decorate homes, parties and any nook and cranny that I can! Luckily, Cade is such a sweetie and he has been encouraging me to make my dream come true. I will really try and post more often so I can not only post inspiring things, DIYs and hopefully some work that I might get to do, but also write (which is my super close second passion). So, while Georgia [SHE] Sleeps, I'll be working on My Dream. Basically, if you come over to our home, it's located on Cloud Nine... wink wink... get it. I am so grateful for all my family and friends who support me and Cade in our endeavors! THANK YOU ALL! Now, to get some sleep, while she sleeps! GOOD NIGHT Y'ALL! XOXO Britt